Email I just got about my mom’s first day in China (she writes to inform AND entertain!)

Hi, now that we have actually seen something I can also report on something. We visited the Summer Palace today, which is in an vast park around large lake (we walked all the way around it!) containing an enormous boat made of marble (the dowager empress Cixi a century ago decided to bankrupt her country on a boat made of stone rather than on foreign wars). On this walk one encounters various bridges and palaces, among them: Hall of Embracing the Universe, Hall of Benevolence and Longevity, Lingering Interest Courtyard, Tower of the Fragrance of the Buddha and Realm of Multitudinous Fragrance. Oddly enough, the Hall of Nurturing Pleasures is adjacent to the Hall of Celebrating Virtues. One shrine was originally named the Temple of Prayer for Rain, but the sign told us that when they had decided that the prayer had been effective enough, they changed the name to the Temple of Extensive Moisture. My favorite: the Pavilion of Forgotten Desires and Accompanying Clouds. In addition to walking, we rented a paddleboat and paddled around, as motorized dragon boats crossed in front of us. As we progressed through the park, I realized that more than anything else, I needed a notebook to write down the pearls of Engrish. I was distracted after that by a calligraphic artist with very beautiful work, and we had him paint a calligraphic dragon for which he also designed a poem for us, something about the dragon flying and bringing happiness to our family. As we left the park we found this sign:
Summer Palace 
Quality Service Guidelines
—Only satisfied customers will feel at home in the Summer Palace
—Sustained progress, eternal modesty

hmm…

The modesty part certainly does not describe the Summer Palace…

When we were about to leave, we showed a taxi driver on the map where our hotel was and he demanded 330% of the price we paid to take a taxi to the place. So we had a lot of fighting and then finally made an agreement and then as we were driving I realized he had gone too far and then he looked at the map again and admitted the error… Really weird when I know my way around Beijing better than the taxi driver…

How about this advertisement from the hotel elevator (which I rode several extra times in order to write it down just for you):
“On such a beautiful day, Vision Hotel specially designed for you to interpret fashionable and romantic wedding, surrounded by exqusite and elegant enviconment, tasty and heacty cuisine considecate and warmed service, you’ll feel the happiness of ambilight.
Based on RMB2988, you’ll own a package of wedding reception to high taste at its finest. In the meantime you’ll enjoy a variety of cuisine, toast your friends and family guests, and witness the holy moments of happiness in the blessing.”

And in our hotel room we are invited to:
“The Seafood Festival will be recruited by Bohai Sea the most unique seafood, crabs, oysters, prawns, tuna fish, salmon and shellfish and other seafood everything, moreover, the transformation of Chinese and Western-style dishes, Seafood pizza, roast beef, roast leg of lamb and Mixed seafood skewer, several types of fruits and vegetables Sald, all kinds of West point ice cream can also be randomly selected.”

We had been pondering over the West point ice cream, but maybe that is what we saw people eating in the summer palace gardens — they had an ice cream on a stick that was a remarkably unappealing military green…

Tomorrow is Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City, so I can promise you more mysteries and delights yet to come!
love,
 —mom